Barrel Scraping

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug ★★
Really? It's pronounced 'Smawg' and not 'Smorg'?
And there's still another film to go after this one?
Dragon/Holmes and Hobbit/Watson meet up and nothing else happens.
Oh yeah, there's a bit with some barrels.
161 minutes to tell a couple of chapters in a not particularly thick book.

Wiggy

American Hustle ★★★
The 70s really were as horrible as I remember.
Manages to just stay the right side of 'Three Kings' without venturing too far into the steaming shittery of 'Silver Linings Playbook'.

Norfolk

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa ★★★★
The only non-pedophile Disk Jockey may not have followed the tried and tested formula of 'going abroad' like most other TV comedy series to film transfers but doesn't suffer from it.
Funny.

Grey

Red 2 ★★
Continuing effort by Bruce Willis to piss on everything he's done before.
Mean, unfunny, lazy.

It's the...

The Wolf of Wall Street ★★★★★
Excellent.
Exactly how you imagine those type of people behaved.
Probably will be seen as aspirational for future generations of bankers but that's not the films fault.
Funny.

Folk

Inside Llewyn Davis ★★★★
Not sure I really got the beginning/end bit but everything in between was excellent.
Thoroughly dislikeable character. Egotistical, feckless, vain, morally reprehensible in private while taking the highest horse in public, immature and constantly craving attention.
Seems like a fairly accurate depiction of the majority of musicians.
Funny. Good music.

iWank

Her ★★
Probably has something to say about the role of technology in the growing disconnect in human interaction or something about relationships and online vs offline personas but really who gives a shit?
Tedious arse-wipery with a couple of half decent jokes.

Lifed

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty ★★★
Makes you briefly want to go to Greenland before you realize that it's actually Iceland and then decide it's better to stay where you are and maybe watch something else.
Which I think is the message of the film.

Bell

Ender's Game ★★★
Good book. Bad author. Average film. Low three stars.

You'd be Thor, if you had to wear leather trousers....

Thor: The Dark World ★★★
Least of all of the Marvel films released so far.
Well obviously that depends on how far you want to go back.
It's not as bad as Trial of the Incredible Hulk or those Fantastic Four films or that Nick Fury one with David Hasselhoff or Howard the Duck or the Dolph Lungren Punisher or that Roger Corman Fantastic Four effort or Elektra or X-Men: The Last Stand or X-Men Origins: Wolverine or either of the Ghost Rider films....

Unattractive

Gravity ★★★
Isn't it amazing what they can do with computers these days?
Visually impressive but let's be honest, who cares if Sandra Bullock dies in space?
Maybe it needs to be seen in iMax 3D or on a roller coaster.

Voted Cold

Frozen ★★
Slick, clinical and designed to appeal to the 10 year old girl inside you.
Well not you, obviously it would need to be the other way around to appeal to you.
You sicken me.

Post Modern

I, Frankenstein ★
I, bored of this shit after 10 minutes.
You could tell going into this that it was going to start and end with the exposition filled voice-over substitute for actual storytelling.
Sub-Underworld nonsense about gargoyle/angels, demons and not-so-special effects.
Early contender for worst film of the year.