Deppressing

Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides - ★

Soulless bottom of the barrel scraper. A film made by accountants for idiots.
Maybe it's to be expected of a series made by Disney based on a theme park ride but there's always the hope that anyone involved might have put even a tiny bit of effort in to create something of interest.
Next in the series, 4 hours of Johhny Depp half-heartedly pulling faces while taking a shit and wiping himself with computer generated high currency bills.
Which never happened in The Crimson Pirate.

Total Recall

Limitless - ★★★

If you can ignore the bullshit non-science about only using 10% of your brain and accept a drug that gives you eidetic memory, superhumanly fast processing power, astonishing creativity, instant problem solving skills and the ability to mimic the physical movements of Bruce Lee then this isn't a terrible thriller.
Unfortunately the only idea they have of what someone with all those abilities would try and do is that they would become a banker. The stock market isn't thrilling, so it needs Russian gangsters, an unresolved murder, some stabbing and the inevitable downside of drugs (addiction, bad hair, special effects) to keep things interesting.

Gooniefield

Super 8 - ★★★★

Tribute to but better than most Spielberg in that it mawkishly celebrates a more recent decade than he usually does.
Actually a decent film. The mainly young cast are less precociously smackable than most child actors.
Decent story, well told, with an even more impressive train crash in a film than the last really good train crash in a film (The Fugitive, Source Code, The Railway Children).

Your Nuts M'Lord

Your Highness - ★★

I get the joke. But one joke spread so painfully thin over an entire film isn't enough. Even the occasional lapse into really bad taste can't save this roc (giant fantasy turkey).