Irrational

Life of Pi ★★
From the director of Brokeback Mountain, man gets bummed by tiger for over two hours.
Probably.
If my time had any value whatsoever, I'd have been annoyed to have wasted it on this.

Reaganed

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 2 ★★★
Second half of the animated adaptation to Frank Millers B:TDKR.
Frame for frame in most places - which is fine, it's a good story but it was written in 1986 and is showing it's age.
Also Peter Weller just doesn't sound right.

Q*berted

Wreck-It Ralph ★★★ 
Average cartoon kids film which gets an extra star for featuring some 80s video game characters.

Sucked

Hotel Transylvania ★★
Least of the animated horror/comedy films that came out last year, far behind Paranorman and Frankenweenie.
Admittedly I may be 40 years older than the target audience but it just wasn't funny.

Dwarfed

Seven Psychopaths ★★★★
A good fun time had by all.
Like your mum.
Well written, even Colin Farrell wasn't that irritating.

Hanked

Cloud Atlas ★★★
Six slightly connected stories told over 2 hours 45 minutes.
Does that seem a bit long to you? 
It is.
You'd hope it'd all come together into a satisfying bukkake style ending.
It doesn't.

Soy Sauce

John Dies At The End ★★★★
Good low-ish budget horror/comedy that manages to be both.

Naut

Argo ★★★★
Still not sure that 'exfiltration' is a word.
Good.

Malt

The Angels' Share ★★★★
Non-depressing Ken Loach.
Bit too much Proclaimers but otherwise excellent.

N-bomb

Django Unchained ★★★★
Excellent western.
A bit long but solidly entertaining.

Homo floresiensis

The Hobbit ★★★
> GO EAST
You are in Bilbo's hobbit-hole
You can see Wizard Gandalf, Dwarf Thorin and Dwarves.
There is Middle Earth Map and Magic Key here.
You can go east or west.
Dwarves soon arrive. There are 13. One of them is Thorin. He seems important.
You soon realise the dwarves and Gandalf are trying to send you on an adventure.
Gandalf shows you map of Middle Earth and a key. "This is where we must go!" he says as he points to the Lonely Mountain.
"We seek our treasure, dwarf treasure, that the evil dragon Smaug stole from us!"
Thorin says. "We must go now to get our treasure! Head east towards Rivendell!"
>WAIT 3 HOURS
Thorin sits down and starts singing about gold.
 
Pah.